Job Interview

     A while back I had a crazy idea that I should probably get a job. The money I had saved from my previous one was running low and I realized that my life was becoming more and more uneventful. At first I loved the idea of not working for a while. I had this awesome idea that I was going to spend my entire days working on music, my entire evenings reading various novels, and my nights would be devoted to sexing womens. However, I have instead just sat here at a computer slowly losing any drive I had in life and all the respect I once had for myself  (To be fair, there wasn't much to begin with).

Just to give you an idea of how I regard myself

     After applying for anywhere between 3 and 300 jobs, I finally got a call from a catering company. Not my top choice, but it would give me a chance to work 40 hours a week and a chance to learn how to make the ultimate pastry.

The ultimate ingredient in the ultimate pastry.

I was told to come in for a job interview the following day at 9 AM, So I went ahead and did everything possible to prepare myself....and that's when stuff started going wrong

     When you don't have a reason to leave the house much, you start to look like well, like you don't leave the house much. So I had this crazy neckbeard thing going on, which is saying something, because I grow facial hair at the rate of a 12 year old girl. After shaving, I noticed that I had somehow left scratches all along my face.and I was bleeding... a lot. Any other time I would have probably enjoyed this. I love those rare moments where I look completely rugged. I also love those moments where I have an excuse to put disinfectant stuffs on my face. I LOVE THE BURNING SENSATION. However, this was not the time to get turned on, so I moved onto the next step,

     As you know, I am about the most manly motherfucker on this planet. With that said, I have purple streaks in my hair and it was fading. Not wanting to look like one of those lesser guys with just a littttlle bit of purple, I threw some hair dye on my hair. While this sounds like a simple, mundane, sexy task... I messed up. I ended up with the right side of my face stained with purple. I would have cleaned this, but I somehow did not take notice of it until 7:30 AM the following day.

     Let me explain how painful the job interview was. After waking up late and having to navigate through the fucked up roads in Charlotte, (Seriously, I never go through there without being forced to detour and having my gps yell at me every few seconds for going the wrong way.) I ended up there right on time. Which means I was late, because you're expected to be at a job interview 5-10 minutes early. It's a confusing thing..I get inside and I'm tired, nervous, and even more unbearable to look at than usual.

     The manager bro asked me the same generic questions that you get everywhere else. I hate being asked , "What makes you want to work here?", I just want to respond with, "BECAUSE I AM POOR AS FUCK", but instead I opt to just tell him that I like the idea of catering. During the interview, the bro kept asking if I was Australian. I do have a bit of an accent (a French one), so I understand. Yet he pestered me every few minutes with lame Australian jokes and swearing up and down that I was lying about my nationality. Literally, the interview was nothing more than 3-4 generic interview questions and about 10 combined minutes of, "YOU'RE SO FREAKEN AUSTRALIAN. DONT BS ME AND TELL ME OTHERWISE >=|".

     At one point, I caught myself licking my lips. It was cold, so I had chapped lips <.<. Along with all the other terrible things going on with my appearance, I was licking my lips for, "I don't know how long", as this guy talked. Here I was nervous as hell, face bleached with purple, cuts and blood all over my face, and now I was licking my lips. Oh and I'm Australian. So while I probably looked like this the entire interview.



He probably saw me like this the entire interview

If you're Australian. You should be offended.

     Needless to say, the interview ended in a very boring, apathetic manner. I doubt I got the job, but I'm just going to take this as a life lesson to never to talk to anyone or shave ever again..

     I hope to use this blog for a mix of humorous and non humorous posts, some about me and some not. So expect just about anything.

     Oh, and here's a fish being fancy.

The fish I hope to be one day